Warwick M3 1 v 3 Adders M2

Scorers: Raj Mawee(2), Sean Hirons
Man of Match:Negus, the old silver fox got in amongst the Warwick chickens and had a banquet
Donkey of the Day: Peter Lancaster. All his kit had been abandoned in Nottingham when he was not allowed to return to Uni due to COVID. Not his fault at all but this is the Adders and no mercy is shown. Naked Peter had to be dressed and kitted out by his team mates.

We were a little worried entering this game as Spartan Ranj had exhausted himself at Kiddie Day care and Steve the Cat was being neutered. Hence we welcomed new boy Dan Karate Kid Friars in goals who stepped up to help us out and what a performance he had. So cool under pressure. He just stared the opposition out. Then when they hit the ball into the top left of the goal he did a “wax on” and the ball flicked harmlessly away. Then they shot at the top right and he did a “wax off” and the ball pinged away again. For those old enough you will remember Marcel Marceau, for the youngsters google him.

That will explain what Warwick were confronted with every time they attacked. We also had new boys Go Go Gadget Tom with his extendable arms and Sportacus Jamie who was literally everywhere at the same time. And then the icing on the cake, the piece de la resistance, the Hockey God of Gods – Sean Hirons. I know, I know - you look at him and you think what has that simple sack of rubbish got to offer but oh my goodness is he good. We just need to paint a target on him and shoot at him because he stopped the ball every time and then he did some kind of weird rain dance and beat his defender every time to completely open up our options. If he was a Native American he would be called Dances with Fools.
The game started with a massive down pour brought on by Sean. We all got soaked and Warwick came out of the storm right at us. Within the first two minutes they had had two shots on goal and one of them had pinged off the post. We were completely rattled but Captain Christian put a call down to the engine room of the SS Adders and Mad Dog and Raj started shovelling coal like it was their last day on the planet. Their sheer work effort got us all motivated and we started playing really well. Peter Lancaster and Rory Kobrin had great games, working as the key links between the midfield and the forwards. With the passes landing with Dances with Fools, the distribution back out to Ellis and Christian worked really well and we tore up the Warwick defence. Ellis had one of his best games so far with him and Sean working like Torvill and Dean as they skated through the Warwick defence. Raj, Christian, Tom, Rory, Peter and Mad Dog were always right behind them to keep the momentum up. Christian had a blinder and was pivoting the ball just as well as Sean. Mad Dog was like Zorro with his cross pitches passes, he carved up the Warwick midfield. After a number of other passes firing straight across the goal mouth with nobody on the end of them we finally ended up with Dances with Fools getting the well deserved first goal.
Then Warwick realised they had to change tactics and luckily for them they had a couple of defenders who were superb at aerial balls. This completely changed the dynamic of the game. The only tactic for this was superb defence. What Warwick didn’t realise was that we have the WALL and, boy, did it shine! PC Luke Puppet Master was on fire, directing everything. Central marker Negus should have been arrested for war crimes because not only did he imprison their forward in his pocket but he unnecessarily tortured him too. Getting the water boarding table out was a step too far. Chink was as solid as a rock and nothing got past him. Ciaran had a cracking game, deftly sweeping away half a dozen fifty, fifty balls. Sportacus Jamie filled in all the gaps and totally frustrated Warwick. Even when Warwick did get through the Karate kid was there to wax on and wax off anything that got close.
Raj started another attack with an amazing reverse stick aerial. It was beautiful to behold, almost like he meant it. Torvill and Dean got hold of it and actually did the full version of Bolero this time and then the Cavalry turned up to mop things up and Raj slotted the ball home to make it two. In the second half we finally got a flick after a back stick stopped the ball going over the line for the third time. Up stepped the Administrator, Raj. You want a job doing properly you let the Administrator go through his procedures. Tick a box, cross the T’s and then boom, a graceful flick into the top left. Nothing the keeper could do about it.
At three nil down with 15 minutes to go Warwick had nothing to lose and they threw the kitchen sink at the WALL. Luckily Negus was there to swipe everything away, with one particular aerial being allowed to bounce once before being creamed for a boundary shot from 3 foot high. Warwick had a few short corners and it was on one of these where Dan waxed off rather than on and the ball just manged to sneak in at face height. One of the final moments was when Tom stopped a ball beautifully with a flat stick from a full on running forward. Tom was completely stationary and the forward ran straight into his stick. Best and cleanest tackle of the game. However the umpire was convinced it was a violent tackle and Tom actually got a yellow card! Totally unjustified and we were gobsmacked. However we all fought on bravely to the final whistle with Luke actually fracturing his ankle such was his commitment to get in the way.
What an unbelievable game. True grit and fighting spirit against a very talented opposition. They were the kind of team we would have just lost out to last season but not anymore!