Berkswell Mens 2nds 1 v 5 Adders M2

Scorers: Cameron Hobbs (2), Harry Barlow, Ellis Brown, Christian Moloney
Man of Match:Three Positions Mad Dog – what a machine.
Donkey of the Day: Jaz the Green Card Ferret.

This week the 2nds were presented with the mouth-watering opportunity of a full Currie buffet but Atherstone has its’ own take on the lockdown rules. Apparently we are only allowed to select essential Curries and as Will is the worst and most non-essential Currie we had to leave him on the shelf, shrouded in plastic. Instead Chris and Rob were loaded into Christian’s hockey basket and he limped briskly to the check out with them, Tom Smith and Cam Hobbs - all taken from the Taste the Difference Aisle. Obviously Christian had already pre ordered the WALL of Negus, Ciaran, Ranj, Jaz and Steve as it goes without saying that they are essential. As a result the team was looking really strong, especially when you add in Rory, Mad Dog, Raj, Ellis and Harry – the full range of champagne, fillet steak and lobster hamper essentials that any self-respecting Negus would want in his team.

The game started off quick paced with Berkswell dominating for the first ten minutes but Jaz soon got things organised and he was cherry picking and distributing the ball sublimely. With Jaz in charge at the back the team relaxed and we started playing our game. With plenty of subs we were swapping regularly to keep the fast paced pressure on Berkswell. In one of these early subs though some mistake must have been made as Mad Dog was put at left back. Mad Dog is the turbo at the centre of our midfield, what were we going to do? However it turned out to be a master stroke as Mag Dog was on fire, he was even running number 1 at shorts! He wanted everything and he got everything. He was up and down that left wing and it completely ripped Berkswell apart. With Mad Dog playing in 3 positions at once they couldn’t play against 14 players. He even got cocky at one point and appeared on the right wing. And he was back at left back 1 minute later to defend! This allowed the magicians of Rory, Chris, Rob and Raj to dominate. They were even making non-essential passes, they just didn’t care, stuff the COVID rules. It didn’t matter anyway because the Grim Reaper Tom was there to decapitate and scythe anything that got through.
Harry got the first goal by being in the right place at the right time once again and tapping it in. Cam got another two goals with one of them being a superb drag flick from a short corner and another an incredible sweep from a tight angle. We went into half time 3-0 up and feeling confident. And so it continued in the second half with Ellis getting the goal of the day with an amazing reverse stick screamer into the bottom right hand corner, leaving burn marks on the pitch and a vortex in the time continuum. [Ellis, now is a good time to know that history is written by the Victors. Nobody needs to know how pathetic and lucky your goal was! But you were in the right place again and did the right thing again. Awesome!] Then even Christian got on the score sheet with a beautiful slap in from another Rory pin point cross, made from the Raj, Rob and Chris dancing Trio. The game was basically over but Berkswell decided to have a last go and, fair play, they gave it a good go. Steve the Cat wasn’t going to make it easy though as a certain goal in the very bottom left hand corner was deftly curled around the post by the leaping Salmon that was Steve. Amazing dexterity for a man slightly the wrong side of 21. In the end though a well worked short corner routine got Berkswell their token goal. In the last five minutes both Cam and Christian were taken out by their keeper in one action. Should have been a yellow card but the umpire decided that because the game had been played in such good spirits (which it had) that nobody needed to go off. That was until 2 minutes later and 2 minutes before the end of the game when Jaz performed the tackle of the afternoon with an amazing, sliding cherry pick. Imagine Jaz sliding at you at 90 mph like a muscled up ferret? Jaz has brilliantly lost 3kg in the last month but that forward lost 5kg in one second! You are going to be scared and it is going to look dangerous but Jaz timed it to perfection and made the perfect safe tackle. The umpire didn’t think so though and Jaz was angrily green carded and sent off the pitch. Unbelievable, but the damage was already done and the Adders were victorious!